My name is Shikoba, of the Delrak tribe, I am the chief of this village and a proud one. Me and my brothers went out to go hunting today. Yesterdays catch was not enough to feed everyone so we have to have a good hunt today. It used to be enough, until the settlers came. They came by sea, on a massive beast of wood and earth, flying across the waters, even bigger than the canoes we are accustomed to using. They could have crushed us without opposition. Their hunters have weapons that make a loud noise, following the death of an animal. Their hunting is so easy and leisurely, but yet they take so much. So much that our families are struggling to even feed ourselves without starving the children. I pray, that the gods do something about this matter, soon, or else, their will be no more of us. Most of our other friends lodgings have been destroyed due to their fast rate of eating the land, and they have to move somewhere else deeper into the mountains. After that, we hear nothing from them. We pray for our friends safety, hoping they are coping with the struggle as we are too. We can not fight them, for their weapons of thunder are too strong and scary, for we do not know what allows them to use such terrifying weapons. Although their weapons are a mystery to us, some of out fellow tribe members have started with an idea of a counter attack. They take our land and we deal with it, the other tribes say, we must fight back and take back what is ours and defend mother nature! I am still thinking about this proposal. Many others have decided to go to war with the white men. Under these conditions, I might have to as well. For now, until the next council meeting where all tribes will decide our fates, we shall just hope we can make it through the winter first, I can feel it coming.
*Edit 1: Added more "character" to character.
*Edit 2: Added more "resistance" from the Indian Tribes.
First, I see that Game of Thrones reference. You capture the emotion in your blog but, I feel that your character lacks, well, character. There is not much description about him. Is he a chieftain of his tribe or just a tribesman? I feel like your character could be described more.
ReplyDeleteHerp Derp, Just disregard the word "First" in there or add Second, de-capitalize "You."
DeleteDid none of the tribes attempt fighting off the white men? It seems ridiculous that nobody even tried to drive them off. A possibility is that the men that decided to attack the foreigners were annihilated but there is still an effort put by the natives.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jason. There were so many tribes of Natives that went down fighting, they wouldn't just give up. They would at least attempt to fight them to the death, even if they knew they WOULD die, but fight because they don't want to see their home taken by the outlanders.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the Natives probably wouldn't even know about those words like "expansion" and such. Maybe you can make it like "taking our land", instead of expansion. Many of the Natives didn't become friends with nearby tribes as well, so...change that too. Or don't. Whatever suits you.
I like the introduction that you wrote. It was descriptive and well thought out. However, I do agree with Brandon that your character needs more character. I also feel like the amazing and descriptive intro was lost towards the end. Despite these minor things, I enjoyed reading your interpretation of an Indian's perspective on these events.
ReplyDelete